Just a Substitute
by youkai chick supreme
Summary: Because when one doesn't want you, you are then forced to fall back on your friends. Just to what degree? Onesided RiSo, Akuriku


A/N: Because I've been sitting on the idea of an Axel-Riku fic for quite some time now

A/N: Because I've been sitting on the idea of an Axel-Riku fic for quite some time now. I'm not sure that I like them as lovers in this context (But I do love the thought of them as lovers or even best friends), but it's… vaguely interesting. At least I think it is… Enough! Onto the actual story!

Oh, and I suppose this would have to be AU to work.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I certainly don't own Kingdom Hearts. (I wish…)

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And I am convinced that I am a horrible person. Because when he rejects me, I run straight into your open embrace and darling, I don't feel a thing. But I let you kiss me and I let you touch me and I let you tell me you love me. And I don't feel a fucking thing.

And as you coerce me towards the bed, wall, couch, table-top, whatever's available, I just lay back because it feels good and I'll take my pleasure from whoever's offering. Even if it's my best friend. Even if I don't love you at all. And I don't.

And darling, you are good at what you do to me, for me. And I love your intense pressure, what a pleasure it is, but darling, I don't love you. But I'll let you finish and I'll let you help me finish; because baby I am selfish, and if he won't give it to me, then honey I'll just have to take it from you.

And you're above me, inside me, all around me, and it's so insanely good. And a voice, your voice, whispers in my ear. It's "I love you, I love you, I _love_ you, Riku…" and it doesn't make me weak in the knees. It doesn't turn me on or make me melt. My toes don't curl, my head doesn't fall back, and my eyes refuse to roll behind half-shut lids.

And darling, wouldn't you know it (but perhaps you don't), all I feel is the physical. Because as you finish off and roll off of me, you pat back my hair, as unusual a shade as your own, I can feel your callused digits, I always can; but they don't go any deeper than I let them. Because darling, even as you body-fuck me, I mind-fuck you. Because I have never said a word of affection towards or for you.

And you, you are in love with me. Baby, your face says it all, as you squint your eyes, same unusual shade of emerald green as my own, and ask me if I'm okay. So concerned and sweet, it's wasted on me dear. I just nod, still silent, same as always.

And I'm on my knees, searching for my ever elusive shirt, as you sigh and roll over, away from me. I hurt you, again. But I never said I loved you, or even that I could love you someday. And you know I'm in love with someone else, so I don't say anything. I've apologized before, so many times, and you've always said you understood. So why don't you get it now?

And I'm aware that I'm a bastard as I slip on my shoes and sneak out the front door, all without saying a word. But darling, you were well aware of that fact long before we started this game. So why are you so upset now?

And my phone is ringing off the hook, so to speak, and it's _him_ so I pick it up, heart all a-flutter, same as always, because I m a fool and even still, I love him. But this time, at least, my voice does not betray me. He wants me to understand, he says, that he loves me, but only as a friend. Perhaps he wanted to say something more, but I don't know, never will, because I've hung up on him already. Because I don't _do_ friendship. I do fuck buddies. I do boyfriends.

And if he won't be mine, then I refuse to be his. I refuse to be his anything. And he is calling me back, over and over, but I don't care. Because he doesn't want me like I want him. And I need to learn how to stop wanting him so damn much…

And besides, it's all his fault. It's his fault I'm a horrible person. It's his fault I use you, darling. Because if he'd just love me, even a little, then I would have never ran to you that night, never touched you like that, never made you desire me the way you do now. Even now, you still want me.

And it's really all my fault, because I'm the one who won't let go. I won't let you leave me, lover. I won't give up such a good guy, such a good lay. I won't let you stop loving me, touching me, fucking me. I won't let you leave me alone. I can't. Because who will want me but you? You can't leave me alone, I won't let you. I won't ever let you go.

And for that, I am truly sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Axel.

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The End! (Of chapter one that is.)

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End Note: Wow, of all the things to make into a "chapter fic." And by chapter fic, I mean two-shot. Heh. Poor Axel! First Roxy won't love him, then Riku won't! Poor guy… no one loves him.

And Riku came out sounding a lot more… well, selfish and cruel than I would have liked, but I'm satisfied. Now, are you?

Oh, and I know I start each paragraph off with "and." It's on purpose. Please don't tell me I over-used that word. I'm well aware of that fact.

Oh and I know Riku's eyes are aquamarine! But I'd like them to be emerald green in this instance please, so use your imaginations! (I mean, they must be good since you're reading fanfiction and all…)

Now review or whatever! Peace.


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